The Ones That Got Away: Fish Or Cut Bait
December 6, 2009 by rtwsenior
This past week has been rainy, dark, and chilly. Have you ever noticed that a day like that just never seems to get off the ground? Of course, if you have a work schedule to meet, then there’s not much option about getting on track, but if you have the great luxury of designing your days, as I do, then it’s easy to slack off on your timing, because, after all, the day has not yet begun. So, I have drifted all week.
When one is drifting, computers tend to encroach a little bit more. Okay, a lot more. That’s how I got, momentarily hooked by the match-making site, Plenty Of Fish. My son showed it to me and I went online, merely out of curiosity, and lurked a few times until I saw a man who looked mildly interesting. Can you imagine how many senior citizen men live in Florida and are looking for that certain someone? Well, neither could I. I’m not looking, but I am available, and therefore, qualified for membership. So, what the heck? I filled out a profile and posted some pictures.
That was only a few days ago. I got a few bites…. a much, much younger man with completely tatooed arms, whose photo portrays himself admiring his face in a hand mirror… thought I sounded like an interesting chick. Another man, sixteen years my junior, also wrote; but I could tell he was an intellectual ping-pong player who loved nothing better than to argue philosophy. I shopped around among men my age, within my own city, and I could see that they were very eager to find the Love of Their Life, and settle down into a totally-focused home life. Me, an obvious world-wanderer, was not their cup of tea.
Then, I looked objectively at my profile and it was so full of restlessness and uncertainty about even wanting to do this, that I was sure I must be scaring them away. Well, I actually WAS hoping that I wouldn’t “find” anybody. That realization continued to become crystal-clear to me over the few days that I had the thing active. I really don’t want any new complications. Why pretend that I do? I really am happy in my single state. So, about an hour ago, I deleted my membership and got out of there. Whew!
The thing is, I could fall for an InterGalactic Friend (I’ve written about these on previous blogs – they are men whom you’ve known before “in other galaxies and other lives,” and those always feel so right from the very beginning) but most of the ones I meet are either married, absolutely the wrong age, or are on their way to somewhere else, far away…usually, all three at the same time. You don’t find those on an internet dating site. And, they are very rare in real life, as well. But, not nonexistent.
Anyway, the sun is now shining, so I have hopes that today will redeem itself by giving me a sudden burst of energy and purpose and I will pick up my new manuscript and get back to work. I have a lot more to do on it and a publisher waiting to receive it, so it’s time to stop drifting and waiting for the day to begin. This is what I need my time and space for: marshaling myself into definitive action about subjects which need a lot of introspection and time-consuming writing. That cannot be done if there is another interested party calling me up on the phone, saying “Let’s do this and that.”
So, watch this space for a few analogies which I will be trying out on you. I wrote notes on the ideas last week and those notes have grown cold, during this cold spell. I shall see if I can breathe a little fire into them and recapture the meaning they had back then. See, there’s this Inner Fire, which can’t afford to be banked and put on hold. I have to tend it all the time and that’s the biggest reason for me to remain alone.
Sorry, big fish in the sea! Guess it’s not my time to be caught or to catch you.